


Of Awkward Times

by AnnieVH



Series: Behind Closed Doors [39]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Abusive Relationship, Angst, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Rumbelle - Freeform, UST, anti milah, red wolf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2015-08-14
Packaged: 2018-04-14 15:05:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4569045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnieVH/pseuds/AnnieVH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rumple tries not to get too close.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Awkward Times

**Author's Note:**

> VERSE information: Behind Closed Door, Rumbelle and Swanfire, contains abusive relationship, implied non-con situations, child-abuse, violence, infidelity, very anti-Milah.
> 
> Beta: MaddieBonanaFana
> 
> This is sort of answering the following prompts (although I think the subject will be approached in most stories from now on):  
>  **Anonymous prompted** : Behind Closed Doors: when does Gold realize he has feelings for Belle? When does Belle realize she has feelings for Gold? What do they do about it?  
>  **Anonymous prompted** : I know we're not there yet, but when do Gold's feelings for Belle turn from platonic to more romantic?

Rumple stared at the empty space beside her on the step.

“I'm good,” he lied. His ankle did not appreciate all the extra effort Rumple had been putting on it lately, and the fact that he still had to walk home didn't make standing up the wisest of choices. But it was the safest. Not that Milah would acknowledge the difference; pressing his back against the wall or sitting down on a narrow stairway with Belle was pretty much the same in her book.

“I hope I'm not keeping you,” Belle said.

“It's early. We don't have dinner before seven.”

“Rest assured it's for a good cause.”

Rumple turned towards the shouting he could still hear from the other room, then back at Belle. She turned red.

“Maybe not the _best_ of causes,” she granted. “But good nonetheless.”

He sighed. This wasn't how he had planned to spend his evening. He had picked a heavy biography for Milah, in hopes that it would put him once again on her good side. They could make tea and sit in the living room, her curled up on the couch, him in his favorite armchair, enjoying the peaceful silence as they reached a much needed truce. How he ended up locked in together with Belle, breaking his wife's trust for the second day in a row, was a mystery to him. It was not his fault, but it didn't matter. He shouldn't have come inside. He knew the building was empty. He should have forgotten the books and gone home.

Belle gnawed on her lips, looking very guilty over the whole situation herself, although he didn't really blame her. She didn't want to make his life harder, she just wanted to help out her other friends. Why shouldn't she? He couldn't expect her to base all her life choices around him – or, more accurately, around Milah's unpredictable moods.

Rumple was about to tell her all that when he saw Belle tilt her head up, eyes aiming for her apartment, and he experienced a spark of panic. She was about to offer him coffee upstairs and make everything worse.

“Have you read this one?” he asked quickly, even though it was a stupid question. He was sure Belle had read every book in the library. Twice!

“Pardon me?”

“ _Around the World in 80 Days_. Sounds good. Far off places, ingenuous machines, exotic foreign people. There's a balloon on the cover. I'd say it's just your kind of-” He saw the way she was smiling at him and frowned. “What?”

“You bought that book for the library.”

Rumple looked at it, then back at her. “I did?”

“In fact, I believe I introduced you to this one myself.”

He hesitated, but tried to argue, “...No, I don't think you did.”

“Bae had just left for college?” she said, trying to juggle his memory. “Mrs. Hare was still working, I was a humble volunteer. You wanted something to cheer your wife up so she wouldn't have to spend the weekend empty nesting. I chose a biography on Henry VIII for her, and that book for you.”

“How can you remember _that_?” he asked, truly surprised. “That was over a _decade_ ago. I wasn't even sure I had even _read_ this book.”

“I have a good memory for books,” she said, looking particularly proud of that skill. “But if you aren't even sure whether you read it, maybe it didn't leave a strong impression on you.”

“I don't think I actually got the chance to read it.”

“Right, the bathtub.”

He frowned again, struggling to remember what she was talking about.

There was a foggy memory of himself coming home that evening. Much like tonight, he had hoped a good book would help improve Milah's mood. Because Bae had just left for college, yes, but also because she was still fuming about Cora. His affair had become her favorite torture instrument, whispered into his ear randomly whenever she felt he was looking too pleased with himself. Rumple had spent the whole summer dreading the moment Milah would finally do what she had only been threatening to and tell Bae of his father's indiscretion, shattering a bond that was already becoming fragile.

The book didn't help though. It only provided the excuse she needed for another round of screaming because it wasn't the one she wanted. He couldn't even pick a book anymore, such a useless husband he was. He was probably thinking of Cora at the time, that made sense, that was why he wasn't paying attention. Trying to blame the school girl who volunteered at the library was pointless. She only called him weak, incapable of handling a _child_ and getting her to do what he wanted. What kind of man was he?

He didn't really remember how, there was so much happening at the same time, he only knew that _Around the World in 80 Days_ ended up at the bottom of the kitchen sink, along with water and dirty plates. It took him half an hour to calm Milah down and rescue the book, and by then it was too late.

“Yes,” he agreed, his throat dry as he tried to suppress the unpleasant memory again. “The bathtub.”

He was trying his luck being here, he really was. The last thing he needed was to set Milah off like that. She could destroy that book as well and what would he tell Belle?

“You look tired,” Belle said.

This time, Rumple had to take a very deep breath to calm his heart before answering, “I feel exhausted.”

There was no pleasing her in days like this. No matter how much he dissected his actions so that they'd comply to her expectations, there would always be a small detail to set her off, something insignificant that he hadn't considered.

The book he chose for her wouldn't be right.

He would be late for dinner.

He had gone to the library in the first place.

Had he been anywhere near Belle, the woman Milah disliked the most at the moment?

And what was that? A book Belle had checked out for him?

No.

No, this was wrong.

He didn't deserve to have this book.

This was borderline unfaithful of him.

Instinctively, he clutched the book to his chest, trying to protect it against the mere thought of a furious Milah ripping it to pieces, his mind trying to come up with excuses for each situation so he'd be prepared when the accusations came.

It was only when Belle raised her voice considerably that he heard her call his name. She looked worried. How long had he been standing in silence?

“I...” he started, though he still felt disoriented. Outside, Ruby had gone quiet and Graham seemed to be talking much more rationally than before. “I'm sorry, Belle. What did you say?”

She analyzed him carefully. Something was wrong. She could tell. Hell, he might as well just come out and say it (“I am terrified to go home to my wife because this is going to be another terrible night and I don't think I can handle it.”) and ask to sleep on her couch. He needed a break, and he couldn't wait another five weeks until New York.

However, Belle just cleared her throat and said, “That's still one of my favorites.”

“Yes,” Rumple nodded, trying to pull himself together. He was letting his nerves get the best of him and there was no reason for it. “I think I remember you saying something like that.”

“The other one is not bad either,” Belle said, indicating the large volume on the British Royal Family that he was carrying. “Though I usually stick to fiction. You wife still reads biographies?”

“And Agatha Christie novels. I used to know every single one she ever read, but I've lost track a few years ago.”

“That's impressive.” Belle rolled her eyes. “Gaston didn't even know what kind of books I like.”

Rumple smiled at her, glad to focus on anything other than his problems.

“ _Every_ book, would be my first guess.”

“Well, you're not off,” she giggled. “To be fair, he had a broad range to choose from. But he insisted on giving me cooking books.”

“Cooking books? Really?” He thought about. “To you, that must be the equivalent of a new washing machine as an anniversary present.”

“Not that I had high expectations whenever Gaston was concerned.”

Rumple made an agreeing sound with his throat.

Belle frowned at him, “What?”

“What?”

“That face you made.”

Rumple blinked at her and tried to cover by saying, “Nothing.”

“No, c'mon, _what_?”

“Just...” he chose his words carefully. Belle had a very good idea of what his married life was like. If anyone knew he had no right to judge others, it was her. “I never really... understood, I suppose.”

“Ah. That,” she said, not looking particularly bothered by his honesty.

“But I'm partial,” he added, apologetic. “I never liked him.”

“Yes,” she nodded. “I don't think I ever liked him either. Not really. But, you know...” Belle shrugged. “He was so persistent that I eventually caved in. To be honest, I think that's the only thing he found attractive in me: that I kept telling him 'no' when every other girl would have told him 'yes' without thinking twice. Gaston lived for the challenge, even though I wasn't his type.” Belle thought about it for a second. “He said I read too much.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“He said I read too much, and that was why our relationship was not working. He said that books gave me unrealistic expectations regarding men, relationships, and what was out there in the world for me. If I spent more time paying attention to the things he did for me, I wouldn't criticize him all the time.”

Rumple scoffed.

“Yes,” Belle said. “I agree. But as a sixteen-year-old, you don't know any better.”

Rumple thought back to when he was a seventeen-year-old himself, a naive boy who thought the world was suddenly brighter because a pretty girl allowed him to fix her dress and gave him a flirty smile.

“I suppose you're right,” he granted.

Belle's smile softened with melancholia. “I wasn't used to getting attention from boys. I think that factored in as well.”

“I'm sure you had a fair share of admirers.”

To his surprise, she said, “I was a wierdo when I was a teenager.”

“What? No. You were a beautiful young woman.”

“Ruby was a beautiful young woman,” she said, indicating her friend with her head. On the other side of the door, Ruby seemed to be crying. “I was pretty.”

“Nonsense.”

Belle shrugged, letting him know that that time of her life was now over and there was no point in looking back. But there was a shadow of bitterness and regret in the back of her eyes and Rumple couldn't stand to look at it idly.

He finally gave up his spot against the wall (screw it, he was in trouble anyway) and settled by her side on the stairs. Belle scooted to the right to give him more space, even though there was nowhere for her to scoot to, and they ended up shoulder to shoulder.

“I wanted Baelfire to date you when you were teenagers,” he confessed.

That made her laugh. “What? No! He was like a brother to me.”

“That was his reaction when I told him too. _Ew dad, she's like my sister_.” Rumple sighed. “I suppose a blue eyed granddaughter is not in the cards for me.”

“Sorry to disappoint,” she smiled. “Is that all I needed to earn your approval? Blue eyes?”

“I've always found you to be...” he tried to find the right word, something that wouldn't sound inappropriate or rude, “... a wonderful person.”

Belle turned to face him.

He shrugged. “At the age of fifteen, you could keep up better conversation than most adults I knew. And you were always ambitious about your future, kept talking about all these things you were going to see and do.”

“You indulged me way too much when I was a kid,” she remembered. “I was always babbling on about my books, or the places I wanted to go. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.”

Belle made a funny face at him. Despite the growing anxiety, Rumple laughed.

“Well, I always appreciated your ambition.”

“I don't think Gaston did,” she said. “Nor most of the boys I knew.”

“Teenage boys are stupid, Belle,” he said. “You shouldn't take their words for it. You were not weird. You were, you know, _different_.”

She looked skeptical at the euphemism, but he didn't back down.

“That's a good thing to be. That's why I never had any doubt you'd go far in life. I still don't.”

Belle gave him a little smile so full of gratitude that it surprised him. Rumple had never thought of her as an awkward teenager as she and Baelfire were growing up. She had always been beautiful and intelligent, made for so much more than a small town no one had ever heard of. That she had settled for Gaston because he was the first boy to show her any kind of interest was baffling.

_He_ had been an awkward teenager. The kind who spent afternoons in his aunties' pawnshop because he had no friends. The kind who was average or below-average in all fields, no academic ambitions whatsoever. Even his burning desire to go to Law School had much more to do with getting away from  his  father than a real wish to make a career out of it. The kind  of boy who was scrawny and talked funny and whose father terrorized everyone. No girl gave him a second glance, except for Milah.

A funny little thought started forming in the back of his mind around that strange word,  _settled_ . Had he  _settled_ too soon? He always knew he had moved too fast with Milah, neither of them denied that. But to  _settle_ had never been something to cross his mind before because his wife was vivacious and beautiful  and so much better than Father had been to him. No matter how bad things got with Milah, she was nothing compared to the monster he grew up with.

And yet...

That funny little word...

That sentiment he could see in Belle's eyes, it  _felt_ familiar...

His thought s were interrupted when he saw Belle's eyes drop without warning and it gave him such a fright his heart must have stopped. He could swear she was now looking-  _staring_ at his lips with such intent, the way women didn't look at him anymore. Not even Milah.

Especially Milah.

It only lasted a second, but his heart was still racing when her eyes fell to the floor and she cleared her throat to say, “ I think they stopped.”

Rumple listened for Ruby and Graham's voices, but found that the library was quiet.

“I think you're right.”

Belle got up and brushed her dress down. Rumple kept his eyes on the floor until his face felt a little less heated.

Belle opened the door carefully. There was no more screaming, but there was still a quiet sound indicating they hadn't left. She peeked inside the library and asked, “Are you guys done screaming?”

After a beat, came a very embarrassed, “Uuuhn...”

Belle sighed. “Are you guys making out on my desk?”

Another beat. Then, Ruby's voice said, “The books are okay Belle, I swear!”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Picspam: http://annievh.tumblr.com/post/102166515522/behind-closed-doors-warnings-domestic-abuse


End file.
